One of the most exciting and important parts of having a child is choosing a name. However, it can be a source of major battle when you and your partner don’t agree. Your baby’s name is going to follow them throughout life, so it’s important to make sure all of you are going to love it. Here are a few tips for finding the best names without creating conflict between you and your partner.
1. Figure out what kinds of names you both want.
The sheer number of possible names for your baby in itself can be overwhelming. Deciding what type of name you want can be a good way to get started. Knowing what specific direction you do or don’t want to go in can help narrow down the names you actually want to look at. Maybe you want your little one to be a junior, or maybe you want to name her or him after a famous musician or a deceased relative. Some other types of names might include:
- Earthy names (Robin, Holly)
- Traditional names (Henry, Elizabeth)
- Exotic names (Alejandro, Aisling)
- Popular names (Michael, Sarah)
- Movie star names (Marlon, Audrey)
- Fairy tale names (Caspian, Hilde)
- Biblical names (Gabriel, Abigail)
2. Set ground rules.
Sit down before you even have names picked out and decide how you want to go about it. For example, some families with kids have everyone make suggestions, then pick the name out of a hat. New parents might agree that dad will pick a boy’s first name, but girl’s middle, and mom will choose a girl’s first and boy’s middle -- but both retain veto power. Or maybe you’d both like to be sure nobody’s ex gets a kid named after them. Having a few ground rules can make it easier when you get to the actual naming.
3. Make lists. So many lists.
Depending on how you intend to make your choices, multiple lists can more harmful than helpful. All the same, it can be easier to at least start out with more options than less. You could make your own separate lists, make lists of first, middle, and combination names, lists of boy names, girl names, and neutral names, or lists of names combined in different ways. Different name combinations can be helpful in situations like you wanting your baby to be named after your dad, but your partner disliking it as a first name, and instead favors it as a middle name. Try different combinations, and keep track of the ones you individually love and the ones you both like.
4. Be patient with each other.
While the ultimate goal is compromising on a name that makes both of you happy, the naming process can end up being a lot harder than either of you imagined. Don’t feel rushed -- you have nine months to figure it out. Some parents don’t choose names until their newborn has been around for a few days, which gives you a chance to actually meet your little one before naming them. No matter what you do, avoid criticizing your partner’s choices. Mean-natured conversation is only going to put both of you on the defensive and make the eventual compromise harder.
5. Figure out what’s preventing agreement.
Choosing your child’s name should be fun, not miserable. If you’re getting into heated arguments over a bunch of lists, there might be something else going on in your relationship. Pregnancy isn’t easy on either partner -- from the hormones, to the back aches, to the massive change taking place in the home -- and underlying issues can make themselves known in strange ways. If you’re noticing increasing conflict with your partner, set aside the names for a few minutes and have an honest conversation. Maybe your partner feels neglected in your babydom enthusiasm, or maybe you feel like your partner isn’t being supportive enough. Open communication can both reduce stress in the household and make picking that name a lot easier and more enjoyable.
