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If Yoga Pose Names Were Completely Honest

"Break Your Face" Pose

Nothing strikes fear into my yogi heart quite like trying to get into this pose. Even if I’ve been practicing, there’s always a 50% chance I’ll lose control and land on my face.

"Smell Your Boobs" Pose

Touching my toes is enough of a challenge, but pulling my legs over my head to touch the floor behind me? It’s the worst. Not to mention my face is all wedged up into my chest where it shouldn’t be.

"Stuck Like This Forever" Pose

Who can realistically lie like this comfortably? And how am I supposed to get back up? Seriously, I need a crane to pull myself out of this one.

(Image via Claudine Beeson)

"This Isn't Natural" Pose

Don’t ask me to take criss-cross-applesauce above my head. This doesn’t feel good, and I’m fairly certain this is breaking my neck. No one should be able to do this.

(Image via ninayoga)

"I Need Knee Replacements" Pose

This is one giant “NO.” “No,” to balancing on my knee caps like it’s normal. “No,” to engaging my core. I can’t find inner peace when my knees are grinding.

(Image via jirsy)

"My Neck Doesn't Bend That Way" Pose

It looks and feels like I’m in an exorcism. Please, just let me lay here until the cramp in my neck subsides.

(Image via LAVA Yoga Singapore)

"Am I Doing the Worm" Pose

Is this even doing anything? It just feels like it’s restricting my breathing and bruising my chin.

(Image via virginia.yoga.girl)

"Don't Tell Me To Breathe Through This" Pose

If I try to breathe deeply I will fall. Don’t try to coach me because it’s not working, and now I need a chiropractor.

(Image via bchanwarrior)

"I Can't Levitate" Pose

Unless my yoga teacher is a magician, there’s zero chance of this ever happening. 

"Thank God Class is Over" Pose

My favorite moment of class is when I can lay down and pretend I’m really good at yoga.