Most forms of contraception have incredibly high success rates when used correctly. Unfortunately, some people feel that using them the right way can be tedious and unsexy. From oral contraceptives (a.k.a. “the pill”) to condoms, people are proudly (or maybe unknowingly) misusing birth control and putting themselves and their partners at risk for an unwanted pregnancy. If you’d like to become a part of this movement, use these five tips for making contraceptives ineffective.
- When it comes to condoms, set it and forget it.
Once you’ve got a condom in place, don’t pay it any mind. These otherwise-effective contraceptives have a tricky habit of slipping off unnoticed when things get hot and heavy, and that’s exactly what you want if you stand any chance of scoring an unwanted pregnancy. If you’re periodically checking to make sure it’s still secured, then you’re dooming yourself to a life of safe, baby-free sex.
- Ignore your oral contraceptive schedule.
Sure, doctors say that you need to take the pill daily, but if you’re looking for truly ineffective contraception, then think of that as merely a friendly suggestion. The hormones in oral contraceptives need to stay at steady levels in your body in order to work their magic, but if you only take them when you remember to they’ll probably still keep you pregnancy-free…probably.
- Buy ill-fitting condoms.
Granted, a condom that fits well is more likely to prevent leaking or slippage, but if you’re looking for a great ego boost, go ahead and buy that box of XXLs. You may wind up with an unwanted pregnancy, but you’ll look so cool doing it.
- Don’t read the directions for the pill.
Oral contraceptives normally come with instructions. However, medical experts have thought that they know better than the average person for too long, so just toss them in the trash. It’s your right as an American to take the pill as you see fit, and no doctor (or uterus) should get to tell you otherwise!
- Store condoms in a wallet.
It’s true that storing condoms in a wallet exposes them to friction and heat that may limit their effectiveness, but when it comes to potential pregnancies, shouldn’t convenience trump everything else? For an extra boost of ineffectiveness, let your wallet condoms expire before you use them.
