There is no shortage of ineffective anti-aging products on the market today, but it takes some real creativity to produce one that is both worthless and ridiculous.
Luckily, businesses worldwide are up for the challenge. Here’s a look at five such products that no one in their right mind should ever even consider purchasing.
- The Nightingale Facial
While the name sounds nice enough, don’t let it fool you—a nightingale facial is nothing more than a pile of bird poop on your face. Excrement from the Asian nightingale bird is mixed with rice bran and then slathered liberally on your gullible face. Enzymes in the bird’s feces are purported to provide a gentle exfoliating effect that reduces the signs of fine lines and wrinkles, but there is currently no scientific evidence to back this claim up. Prices vary depending the provider, but it’s not uncommon for this disgusting treatment to run upwards of $200. At those prices, you’d be better off standing under a pigeon in the park and looking up.
- The Face Trainer
The Face Trainer looks like it’s straight out of a medieval torture chamber. This grey mask covers the majority of your face and is purported to strengthen your face muscles—which somehow, unbeknownst to science, magically reduces wrinkles and other signs of aging skin. The Face Trainer runs for $199 and is produced by a company called no!no!, which should raise a red flag immediately. It’s definitely not a cheap (or useful) fix, but that hasn’t stopped it from becoming a best-selling product for the company.
- The Placenta Mask
You may be longing for a good old-fashioned Nightingale facial when your anti-aging “expert” is about to slather a generous helping of human placenta onto your face. While placenta is full of skin-building collagen, it has little effect on the overall health of your skin when topically applied. Most experts agree that this queasy anti-aging product is nothing more than a glorified moisturizer.
Kudos to Frownies for being the anti-aging product with the punniest name, but like all the others, it does little more than make you look like a fool with money to burn. In a nutshell, Frownies are glorified stickers that you attach to problem areas like the forehead and under the eyes, and they supposedly tighten your skin to reduce wrinkles. While you may experience some extremely temporary results with these, your smooth skin quickly returns to its wrinkly state.
- The Intima Breast Pillow
Ladies, you’re sorely mistaken if you think that face wrinkles are the only signs of aging you’ve got to worry about. According to the makers of the Intima Breast Pillow, boob wrinkles are another pandemic plaguing women across the globe. This pillow, which comes with some nice, uncomfortable straps to keep it in place, is worn in the middle of the chest at night to ensure that everything stays lifted, separated, and wrinkle free. This “nifty” product has been featured on the Dr. Oz show, which should indicate the level of worthlessness you’re dealing with here.