10 Unforgivable Healthy Alternatives to Thanksgiving Classics

If you don’t eat meat, then at least stop insulting turkey with this imposter and just eat the veggie dishes on the table instead. Thank you.

The rest of us want a delicious turkey (or ham....or both) for our holidays. It's one of the few times of year we can eat what we want without guilt. 

No. No, no, no. This is not acceptable. Don’t you dare bring this on Thanksgiving. I won’t let you inside!

Nothing beats mashed potatoes. Potatoes are a staple of our lives, and we're not going to have them replaced with anything else!

How. Dare. You. The traditional stuffing recipe is perfect, and you don’t mess with success! 

Whether you actually stuff it or make it like a dressing, it doesn't matter. This kale stuff is an offense to the nation. 

Why would anyone think this is a good idea? It’s not the same, and the health factor does not make it any easier to swallow.

Pies aren't supposed to be healthy anyway. They're awful for you but amazing for your tongue. That's the whole point. It may look delicious, but there's deceit underneath. 

Excuse me? Did you fall down and smack your little head on the pavement? Vegan gravy has no place on my mound of turkey and dressing.

We both know it isn't going to have that turkey flavor that makes it so, so good. It's like all the other vegan stuff — a sham!

I’m sorry, but if you think that some healthy, butter-free green beans can replace the hallowed green bean casserole, then you are deranged. 

It just isn't the holidays if you don't have a green bean casserole. It's the best part of dinner, and everyone knows it. 

Yeah, cauliflower is delicious. No, it does not have a place among the sacred Thanksgiving foods of legend.

We want crispy, starchy potatoes on Thanksgiving. You can make vegetables any other day of the year (except Christmas). 

Consider your automatic invitation to family Thanksgiving dinner revoked, because no one would do this to people they love.

We get it if you have a gluten allergy, but the rest of us? We want the real thing. Give us the gluten and give it to us now. 

Mac and cheese is like Apollo, and the Thanksgiving table is Mount Olympus. Not the most powerful player, but the other gods/foods simply aren’t the same without him, and life feels empty without his sunshine-yellow aura.

It's about time people stop pushing this quinoa mess on us. You'd think the fact that it tastes like soap if you don't wash it well enough would be a sign. 

Just...no. You can’t cut out entire ingredients and expect the pie to be as creamy and fluffy and delicious. Vegan pumpkin pie is like the Indominus rex in Jurassic World. It just messes everything up.

Not to mention, it doesn't have the silky smooth consistency of actual pumpkin pie. It needs the milk and eggs to make it actually GOOD.